Thursday, June 26, 2008

Latest Reflections....

It seems as though I cannot get through any of my posts without mentioning the Lord and his activity throughout the various seasons of my journey with Him. Sometimes I wonder if those reading my writing grow weary of hearing how I am growing in Jesus. There are times that I think, "Come on, Lauren, is there anything else you can write about?" I don't want anyone to think that my life and my journey with Christ is perfect because it is so far from where I want to be! I have so much to learn and so many more miles to travel with the Lord. There are days when I don't have the strength to put one foot in front of the other and cry out to the Lord to guide my steps and to fill me with His power. In fact, I have found that I have to do that on a daily basis and if I do not there will be great consequences. I know with every fiber of my being that I can do absolutely nothing without the blessing and strength that the Lord supplies. Anything that is good in my life and in my journey of discipleship is a direct and extravagant gift of grace straight from the hand of God.

I am incredibly mediocre and completely average without the light of Who Christ is. That is just a fact. I have come to find that living in the richness and beauty of the Lord is the only way to go if I want a life that is beyond my wildest imagination. Living my life surrendered to the leading, movement, and guidance of Christ has brought such an immeasurable joy and peace to my spirit and soul. I take such confidence from the fact that God has my future competely under control. To be totally honest, it has taken the pressure off of me, and for that I am so thankful. I just get to live in the goodness, joy, peace, confidence, and grace of an incredibly great God. My life is secure in His certainty. There are days when I whine and doubt and sometimes they just sneak up on me. I know that the Lord must get really annoyed when I do this. It is like saying, "Lord, I think I'll take my life in all its brokenness and uncertainty and do what I please. I think I can and will do a much better job than you can. Plus, you are working at a snail's pace. Pick up the tempo!" How dare I show such arrogance and dishonor toward my Creator. I want to honor the Lord and revere his name and His ways.

The Lord has shown me that life is so much better and smoother when I let Him have complete soveriegnty, access, and control to all areas of my character, my life, and the purposes He has for me to fulfill. Besides, He has proven time after time that he is totally capable of handling every part of my existence. And His qualifications are so far beyond what my finite mind can conceive or comprehend. I bless you Lord and I thank you for knowing exactly what my needs are and for holding my life safely and securely in your hands that also bear my name and the scars of humanity's ignorance, arrogance, and self-sufficiency. I want to be one hundred percent dependent on you, Jesus. You are the meaning and definition of all of who I am and all that I yearn to become. I love you.

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